I never dreamed that I would be a step-mom. I had my life all planned out: I meet the man of my dreams, we get married, and we have babies of our own together. You never really think “what would I do if I was dating someone who was divorced and had a kid?” ESPECIALLY when you’re only 19! That’s grown-up stuff, man.
The night that I met Kylan I went home and found him on Facebook (it’s what you do ha!). I was going through his timeline and a cute picture of little baby shoes appeared… what is this? I scrolled farther and there was a wedding picture. What?! At this point I was seriously confused. I asked the mutual friend we had what this was all about. She confirmed that he was married and they had just had a baby when his wife left.
We hung out for the first time 2 days later and it was one of the first things he told me. “Just so you know – I want to be upfront – I am divorced and I have a son.”
By the grace of God and a good upbringing, it almost didn’t phase me at all. We had a great relationship from day one. There were bumps along the way, but nothing we couldn’t handle.
However, I didn’t meet his son until after we were married.
Charlie Vanderpool is the sweetest little boy you will ever meet. He is currently about 20 months old. He loves to cuddle, give hugs, and push chairs around. His laugh is contagious and he lights up any room he is in. I absolutely love little Charlie.
Meeting him for the first time was scarier for Kylan than it was for me. At that point, he had only seen Charlie once since his mom left. There are so many things that go through your mind:
- What if he cries the whole time?
- He’s not going to want to play with us at all.
- What if the interaction with his mom goes poorly?
- What if he’s a terror child? (Seriously, every possibility crosses your mind.)
- What if we only end up getting 30 minutes with him?
We went with these worries in mind, yet we were hopeful. Charlie cried and fussed for about 10 minutes. But after that, he was playing and laughing and having a grand old time with his daddy and Kate. (I have little people call me Kate – much easier than Kathryn!)
Our worries melted away – especially mine! I have always loved children, but I never knew what the love of a step-mom would feel like. I love him as if he were my own, but I never profess that he is. His mom earns that, for sure.
I miss him every day – we only get to see him every or every other month because he lives in California. We do get to FaceTime him a few times a week, which is a joy. He is a happy and healthy little boy.
Where Do I Fit In?
I am still figuring this part out. I know my title, step-mom, and I know my name, Kate. But the emotional and logistical part of the role is something that I am not yet familiar with. As I figure this out I want to share it with you. Are any of you in a similar situation? I would love YOUR advice! Comment below!
Being a step-mom is truly a joy, but it certainly has its challenges, especially since Charlie lives in California and we’re in Utah. There is so much that goes on in life, but the most important thing is always family. I love our little family of three and look forward to when we will add to it 🙂