What I Wish I Would've Known

Being A Step-Mom

Being a step-mom is rewarding and challenging. I never thought about myself as a step-mom before I met Kylan. But once I met him, I knew it would be a part of my life.

The Challenge

The first thing I wish I would’ve known about step-moming is how challenging it is. I would say that the hardest part is loving that little human and not being able to see them everyday. I truly love Charlie and he is a ray of sunshine in my life. It would be so wonderful to be able to take care of him and play with him more often than every or every other month.

The Ex

It is also challenging dealing with an ex-wife. I know that the degree of difficulty varies and some marriages end amiably. However, this was not the case for Kylan. It is getting better and better as we get further in our relationship with Charlie, but it definitely isn’t easy.

Dealing with Charlie’s mom is difficult. It is also difficult to think about what happened between them. I don’t want to go into depth and I won’t say anything poor about either of them. It definitely inspires confused feelings – I wish I could understand her and the whole situation.  The more I learn about what happened, the more it doesn’t make sense. Maybe someday I will understand, but I am learning to move past that. After all, Charlie is what’s important.

I just want him to be happy, healthy, and loved. His mom is great at making sure that those needs are met.

The Money

Another challenge is the financial aspect of it all. We have to buy all the supplies as if we had our own child, but we only get to use it about once a month. It really adds up! The nice part about that is we will be set with a lot of things when we start to have our own kids!

Driving out to California is a lot of money as well – there’s gas, food, lodging, activities, etc. Once again, it adds up! But it is worth it. The last trip honestly put us in a little bit of debt, but we have finally almost paid it completely off! We just have to budget well and we will be good to go.

The Emotions

The last challenging aspect is that sometimes he doesn’t want me. It makes me feel good to know that he wants his dada, but it hurts a bit when he cries and doesn’t want me to hold him when Kylan goes out to take the trash or whatever else. This doesn’t happen all the time, or even often because we are together most of the time. The one time it did happen, though, it really hurt my heart. It kind of reminded me that I’m really just a lady who plays with him at this point. However, I still love him and will take care of him the very best that I can because he will recognize that one day.

The Love

I never dreamed I would know a mother’s love before having my own children. Granted, I don’t know the full extent but I do have a portion of it because of Charlie. In talking to my husband, I decided that my baby hunger has actually increased because of him! I just want more of that love and to experience the love of a mother for my own babies.

I have been really Charlie-sick lately. Looking at his pictures and watching videos from when we’ve been with him makes me so happy but makes me want to see him even more! His laugh is contagious. He is so happy and hardly gets fussy. I love him so much.

All in all…

All in all, I LOVE being a step-mom. The good definitely outweighs the bad. I love my husband and our son with all of my heart. I would do anything for them. There are days that are hard and days when I definitely miss him more. However, having my heart ripped apart a little bit for more space for a little human is a wonderful and humbling feeling. I only know a small portion of that at this point thanks to Charlie; I’m sure that I will experience it even more with our own children.